Rookverbod

Onlangs woonde ik de begrafenisdienst van een kennis bij.
Wat ik daar in de mis meemaakte, ongelooflijk!
Sommigen schamen zich nergens meer voor.
Omdat er nogal veel volk was, stond ik tussen een hele hoop andere mensen vanachter in de kerk.

Ongeveer halverwege de mis ruik ik ineens rook. Natuurlijk kijk ik rond en zie dat er achter mij iemand gewoon een sigaret opgestoken heeft!
In de Heilige Mis dan nog!!
Ik draai me om naar die vent en vraag of diene wel beseft wat hij aan het doen is…
Of hij niet beter rap zou maken dat hij buiten is met die sigaret?
Weet je wat die vent deed?
Hij gaf me gewoon een duw!

Bijna de helft van mijn pint lag op de grond…

The barber and the boy

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber.
"That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!"

 

Van: Funny City

Finally, a smart blonde

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.